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雅思英语9.0分的作文究竟有多厉害?答案就在这篇满分范文分析里

在雅思英语写作备考过程中,十分有必要对一定数量的满分范文进行反复推敲,从中吸取好的做法和相关知识。

下面是一篇关于“人工智能”的满分考官范文。题目要求如下:
Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.一些人认为人工智能的发展对我们的生活有好处,而另外一些人认为人类还没有准备好,生活在一个电脑比人更加智能聪明的世界。

第一段:Introduction

People seem to be either excited or worried about the future impact of artificial intelligence. Personally I can understand the two opposing points of view; I am both fascinated by developments in artificial intelligence and apprehensive about its possible negative effects.
    第1句:引出话题(人工智能)第2句:给出个人观点(既有优点,也有缺点)

值得学习的词汇:
    two opposing points of view 2个相反的观点be fascinated by 被..所吸引be apprehensive about = be worried about 对..感到担心possible negative effects = disadvantages 缺点

第二段:Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, the increasing intelligence of technology should bring some obvious benefits. Machines are clearly able to do many jobs better than humans can, especially in areas that require high levels of accuracy or calculations using large amounts of data. For example, robots are being developed that can carry out surgical procedures with greater precision than a human doctor, and we already have cars that use sensors and cameras to drive themselves. Such technologies can improve safety by reducing the likelihood of human errors. It is easy to imagine how these developments, and many others, will steadily improve our quality of life.
    第1句话:中心句(人工智能有优点)第2句话:支撑理由(机器在要求高精度和大量数据计算领域,比人类做得更好)第3句话:举例支撑第2句话的理由(机器人与医生:外科手术;汽车自动驾驶与人类驾驶)第4句话:进一步基于举出的例子,说明人工智能技术的好处(减少人类错误,改善生活质量)

值得学习的词汇:
    areas that require high levels of accuracy 要求高精确度的领域calculations using large amounts of data 需要大量数据计算carry out surgical procedures 完成外科手术greater precision 更高的精确度use sensors and cameras to drive themselves 利用传感器和相机自动驾驶reducing the likelihood of human errors 减少人类犯错的可能性improve our quality of life 改善生活质量

第三段:Body paragraph 2

On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who believe that artificial intelligence may harm us if we are not careful. In the short term, it is likely that we will see a rise in unemployment as workers in various industries are replaced by machines or software programs. For example, self-driving vehicles are expected to cause redundancies in driving jobs, such as lorry drivers, taxi drivers and bus drivers. In the medium term, if intelligent technologies gradually take jobs away from humans, we may find that people become deskilled and lose their sense of purpose in life. A longer term fear is that computers become so intelligent that they begin to make decisions without human oversight and without regard for our well-being.
    第1句话:中心句(人工智能有缺点)第2句话:缺点1(短期:失业率上升)第3句话:举例支撑缺点1(自动驾驶使司机失业)第4句话:缺点2(中期:失去生活目的)第5句话:缺点3(长期:人类失去对计算机的控制)

值得学习的词汇:
    a rise in unemployment 失业率上升are replaced by machines or software programs 被软件和及其所取代self-driving vehicles 自动驾驶车辆cause redundancies in driving jobs 导致司机下岗失业people become deskilled and lose their sense of purpose in life 人们的技能会降低,且失去生活的意义without human oversight 不在人类的监督下without regard for our well-being 不考虑人类的福利

第四段:Conclusion

In conclusion, while intelligent machines will no doubt improve our lives in many ways, the potential risks of such technologies should not be ignored.
    1句话:重复开头段的观点(用不同的方式表述)

此外,上述范文中,还有大量值得模仿学习的英语句型。

希望大家能反复推敲这篇范文。相信一定会有很大的收获。

#英语##雅思##托福##考研##出国留学#
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大神点评12

啊丢 2023-1-15 10:26:11 显示全部楼层
棒棒棒,支持张老师!张老师的内容都很精致地道,非常好!
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zzhz1234 2023-1-15 10:26:34 显示全部楼层
写的一般
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tushaobin 2023-1-15 10:27:03 显示全部楼层
Redundance
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lris2008 2023-1-15 10:27:39 显示全部楼层
转发了
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小王 2023-1-15 10:28:17 显示全部楼层
30分钟写出,挺能说的
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明晨宇 2023-1-15 10:29:16 显示全部楼层
转发了
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bbggff 2023-1-15 10:29:35 显示全部楼层
转发了
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q2739222582 2023-1-15 10:29:42 显示全部楼层
客观评价,从句句式大量运用,但定语从句偏多,结构上欠缺合理。用词不够精到,如果是考试时的作文,8.5分相对合理。如果是雕琢出来的范文,显然模式化太严重,遣词用句上读起来不够舒服。
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heming886 2023-1-15 10:30:21 显示全部楼层
转发了
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